I’ve never been a fan of LinkedIn for a variety of reasons — the pretensions there disgust me. Fancy how a mediocre, less-than impactful event can easily be dubbed the “Event-of-the-Year!”
That’s how awesome LinkedIn could be — you can tell any of your favorite lies.
YOU blow up YOUR own initiatives. It’s that keypad grenade.
So I used to steer clear out of disgust and yeah, privacy. I find it hard to announce moves, I’d rather announce results. Have you ever heard about a Mide Johnson album before it was finished? Silence.
“Something is cooking, in addy to the moves we be making over here..”
Yes, thank you, Daddy wa — the world doesn’t care. Everyone’s down for what you offer, not necessarily what you may potentially offer.
So asides the pretensions and my privacy, here comes the most baffling — I HATE STEREOTYPES. Mrs Johnson’s biggest worries was that I’ll most definitely end up an hippie. Here I am today — dropping EPs (that was weak, I know, I know).
There seems to be the funny tie-jacket-suit-sock-stereotype that comes with scholarship. It extends to grammar — like, yo, is it necessary we sound complicated when easy does it?
Yeah, Eazi practically ‘does it’…… to Gelato’s sister.
(Scratch that. I didn’t write that part. I honestly didn’t.)
Is it necessary to pack in 5 syllable words when simple tenses can simply bail us out? and bail is free? The idea had never been to look smart but to BE smart. So much of the world we live in, is fixated on appearance rather than content, and nothing glorifies our professional pretensions as much as LinkedIn.
So why do you strive so hard? To be a better you? Or to compete with a social media ideal? Let’s talk about your mental health. How’s it holding up to the non-existent pressures you’ve created for yourself?
Back to the topic, I’ve always tried to escape any stereotype. Now, two stereotypes actually — the academic stereotype and of course, the Rap stereotype.
But since, we’re calling out LinkedIn today — let’s focus on the academic Mide Johnson, and our expectations from him.
Let’s see — My law grades are not so bad. A number of my classmates have formulated the funny habit of hacking into my portal page to compare standards — so let’s say, I make standard grades at the very least.
What’s the academic expectation from me? 7 syllable words when I’m demanding something as simple as sex. 4 piece suit when I’m going down the street to buy watermelon. An associate position in a Lagos Law firm in about three years. A conformist approach to life since law is supposedly a “noble” profession.
How do I perpetrate this expectation?
Take a catalogue of every happening in my life — true and untrue, magnify it’s importance as much as possible, fix a legal maxim as caption, upload it to build a LinkedIn profile for my future employer to see.
But then, in all honesty. I think I think too much.
I realized a week ago — Maybe, we all don’t have a choice. Maybe, my folks being LinkedIn hype men isn’t necessarily because they love to. Maybe, veiling my efforts over time has been sheer stupidity. Maybe, maybe. In a world where there’re more professionals than opportunities, maybe there’s the need to make that noise.
But what happens when your noise is only backed by an empty barrel of crude oil?
That’s where I come in. Don’t just be about appearance, feed your content. Make your social media hype come alive in your abilities.
What also happens if your full barrel of crude oil is backed by utter silence?
That’s where I need to come up. Mide — don’t just be about the content. Bring it alive in the appearance, at least where necessary.
As foremost Street poet and philosopher — Falz has clandestinely opined in his celebrated book “Stories that Touch” precisely in Chapter 2 — “Soft work”.
He notes — “even real talent sef still need promo”.
Dear LinkedIn — here I come.
