R, a Nigerian in his twenties talks love, keeping multiple partners and the importance of consent, protection and reaching orgasms.
Two words are prohibited in the average Nigerian family setting. “Sex” and of course, “Sex” again. You want to be cross-examined by you parents in a witness box or drive them to panic? Give them the impression that you’re getting sumn. My mother clearly told me: “keep my penis safe” at age 18. In my trousers or at the bank?
There’s the social stereotype against sexually active people. Even more ridiculous, sexually active Aunty Salewa faces a more intense sexist stereotype. Women needed to fight for the right to vote, they gotta fight for the get sumn?
“I have a dream that one day female homo-sapiens will not be judged by their body count but by the content of their goals and character; I have a dream today!” – Martin Luther Queen, 1968.
You can’t demonize people who engage in consensual sex. Also, our society does not condone homosexuality. Yeah? So how do we criminalize women for being just as promiscuous as men. You don’t want the men to have sex with themselves. Do you?
Like a lot of people in their 20s, sex was one territory I tried to explore. It was my desire to satisfy my sexual desire, and what my mother had termed a forbidden fruit. Oh well, the best fruits are the forbidden ones or in the words of Falilat on Twitter, the best things in life are what? are Haram.
I’ve got multiple sexual partners, proudly. You’re wondering – why donate around when you can stick to one person? Why the charity? Are you a sex NGO? Well, sticking to one person in the context of a relationship is what I term “too complicated”. You can put someone else’s daughter through emotional turmoil if that’s your style. I’m at a stage where I’m seeking to unravel the complicated parts of myself. If you don’t social distance yourself emotionally or use hand sanitizers, you might get hurt AKA heartbreak AKA tears. Also, as a complete package myself, different people need the opportunity to get a taste of my goodness. It’s like admission, it should go round.
Take note, navigating multiple sexual partners is not like anything you watch in Hollywood movies or read on the pages of novels on Wattpad. It can be as exciting as your imaginations, but it can also be scary at times. This thing can eat so deep into your time and life that you forget about things and get all carried away with the feeling of mind blowing orgasms with different beautiful women.
The first thing I needed to deal with when it comes to the women in my life was time management. I can’t have sex eating into my school and work time, while sex makes me feel good, it doesn’t pay my bills. How I solved this issue was by creating a schedule for the women in my life. This allows me to allocate time or weekends that are free to the different women in my life. While sex with “Woman A” is mind blowing, I can’t allow her to make it an everyday thing or a “booty call” kind of thing, where she calls and expect me to drop whatever I am doing to come to get laid. Is it food? The women in my life know this, and that’s where understanding comes in. Understanding that this has to be a function of convenience.
Kaleb Cove once said: “Sex, like life, is a journey of self-discovery”, and he wasn’t wrong. I found myself discovering new things about my body with every encounter in my life. Things I thought I will never do or enjoy are now some of my favorite things to do in bed because of how amazing they feel. I also discover that things I thought I would like, I end up hating them after trying them.
There is something hot about trying out new things and crossing each other’s fantasies out in bed. Sex with different beautiful women made me discover that all women’s bodies are not the same and they all want different things. Woman A may love being touched in a particular way, while woman B hate being touched the exact way. It is my responsibility to know what makes each woman tick, sometimes I feel like a chef discovering a new ingredient to make an exquisite meal.
Protection is one thing to never take for granted. Your health is more important than any mind-blowing orgasm you can have. People seem to forget that condoms not only prevent unwanted pregnancy but also protect you from STDs. For someone with multiple sexual partners, the chances of contracting STD are much higher, that is why I always use protection. The bitter truth is that condoms are not enough at times. There are so many sexual activities you engage in without the use of condoms, activities like oral sex. That is why I do a medical checkup twice every year to be on the safe side.
It is important to note that not everyone has what it takes to have multiple sexual partners, and that is not a bad thing. There are also people out there waiting for the perfect love. In the words of Woody Allen, “Love is the answer, but while you are waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions”.
But if you decide that you are God’s gift to the women and men of this world, and you want to share that with the world. It is important to note a few things, which are;
• Consent is sexy as fuck. Always make sure both of you are okay with whatever you are doing.
• Protection is important.
• Always be clear on where you both stand. Don’t manipulate anybody’s emotions.
- Orgasm is important to both parties. Don’t be selfish. Go out there and experience the Orgasm you deserve.
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