This Friday — K, 21, discusses his battles with imposter syndrome at the workplace. We get to learn a lot about his fears, anxieties, and how he tries to get by each day. It’s all about getting by — isn’t it? Oh well, we all will. Take a close look at K’s life right here.
You think I’m strong? Tough? Or rugged — according to someone. Well, that’s not only false, but it’s hilarious (nice joke, Trevor Noah). I mean, you should see me in the bathroom. I’m a weak young man whose only option is strength — which comes in tiny bits. I spend my day occupied just to be away from myself. I daydream, learn, work, read, do everything so that time will pass. I’m always trying to do something because if not, something terrible will be done and oluwakemi won’t be able to live with it.
Ask me — “how are you?” and the answer is ”I’m fine” but that’s how I know I’m going to hell because that’s a bloody lie. I’ve never been fine. I’m always scared, broke, anxious, tired — no exhausted, sounds more serious that way and finally not brave enough to take my life.
You might be wondering what went wrong or thinking “who hurt you?” but the gist is nothing particularly bad happened. Everything has just not been good.
Let’s talk about expectations. My cousin is the first uni graduate in the whole of my extended family, he convocated few weeks ago and has been ringing me for “links and jobs postings” since then. Mind you, I’m a part fourth year student doing a five year course. This isn’t mudding anybody, I love and respect all my family and friends but that’s to tell you what it is.
I’m currently interning at a firm, my colleagues are all PhD and MSC holders. Impostor syndrome hits so hard, I always type in the zoom chat box lol. Join with video ke? Kuku kee me now.
At every point in life when I failed, I barely feel hurt and I don’t try not to feel hurt too. I make peace, that’s all I do — “it didn’t happen because you weren’t good enough, go again or go home”.
What do I think of myself? I feel like I’m getting old. I always feel like I’m not doing enough. I’m now meeting people that I’m older than with a year even two! Ah! Nickelodeon asked what I’ll be the first to do as a kid — I’m an adult now and doings never choke.
When my sister almost died twice before my eyes I knew that bad things happen to good people and almost lost the will to try in any regard. Since then and these days, I wake up to missed calls from home and panic kicks in. I always find myself praying it’s billing and not that something has happened to Oyin.
My sisters won’t stop talking about how I never attend church but I’m the most blessed. It’s always amusing because I serve God, just not in their way.
Well, I know sky daddy — he made me a starboy.
