Twenties Friday Letters — 21

This life stage presents a great deal of possibilities. Sometimes, you’re left very unsure about everything. How do you approach your uncertainties? Listen to a proper rant from a 25-year old.

This is 25.

Sometimes, I sit and just assume I want the basic things in life until — boom, my cousin shares pictures of her proposal with a private jet. Where una dey see this money? Cut shower gel for me.

Sometimes, I know that all I need is a country home with my favorite girl — away from the sadness of the society — but then I how do I fulfil my childhood dreams of seeing the world with her? Sometimes, I know I’m too brilliant to be at the present stage I find myself. After-all, I have an impeccable academic record until I’m reminded that many who are better off aren’t as blessed as I am. Sometimes, I know my father’s house is where I don’t want to be — but it’s the only place I can realistically be.

Sometimes, I stay wallowing in the peace of being alone but then I remember the best things in my life are actually the people in it. Wouldn’t it be great to have a special someone? Sometimes, I smile at the fact that I’m not in debt, not going to be tomorrow, and can afford all the things I actually need but then I remember that some folks my age already live the dream life — either legally or via fraud. Sometimes, I want to just apply to foreign schools or maybe I don’t and I’m just pushed by people who think I have good grades. Maybe I’m indecisive. Maybe, I want to travel out but I hope it’s without exams and tiring applications. Sometimes, I think of how beautiful a relationship with my son could be. Other times, I’m unsure if I want to bring a kid into a world that is hinged on hurtful societal, cultural and religious rules. How is he go’n live his life?

Maybe that’s just what 25 is about — a tainted cloud of uncertainties. As we embark on the journey that leads us to destiny, we don’t singularly determine what destination awaits us. Our destination is determined by a lot of thing of which our human effort is just one of them. Remember the plans you made that did not cut it? You wanted a specific kind of course in the University but did not get it. So, your life had to revolve around another specific set of alternative plans and a totally different set of expectations. What if it is these detours and delays that actually make you a success and not what you initially intended?

I forget too quickly that I’m 25; not 40. Comparison messes up your ability to show gratitude. Who cares if I’m like I’m 3 years slower than the initial plan? What’s wrong if I get my first ride 3 years later than folks my age? Or my first house? Or I make my first million rather late? Or I don’t get the girl I want now but get something just as great or better at 28? Why do I even think 28 is that age! What if it’s just another societal pressure to think that’s my age for breakthrough? What if 40 is the right time? But, I don’t want to wait that long! I want those who matter to me to enjoy me in my youth — err, but that’s still another kind of pressure.

Maybe, I’m just 25 with silver jubilee problems and sometime in the future when I’m walking across the lawn with my little king in my arm, pinky crossed with my favorite girl — I’ll look back at all the quiet noises that polluted my head when I was 25.

For the first time, it would all make sense.

St. Marie Vianney.

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