K, a member of a popular Lagos-based religious sect where sexual purity was the emphasis; speaks on his breakdown after allegations that the sect’s pastor and founder was sexually involved with members. In “26 and a virgin” — we discuss faith, sex and regrets.
You would think of the best way to start this story, but there is no best way; Maybe there is. You can start by talking about the Oath of Virginity you took when you were 18. Confused? Don’t be.
You had joined this ebullient Teenage ministry- Teenagers are always ebullient anyways. They were led by a good-looking man and a pretty young woman with fulgent face and sparkling smile that erupted anytime her melodious voice came to live. They were focused on Moulding, Inspiring, Nurturing and Empowering Teenagers and for a teenager who had a torrid past like you, you definitely needed this.
Talking of your past, you grew in an environment where sex was next to food; your dad had sex with ladies who wanted money; your neighbour had sex with the new girl whose parents just moved into the neighbourhood; the alleys were spots to make-out as lips locked in bliss at different intervals.
You didn’t have sex- you were the serious guy who participated in spelling bee, and scored the highest mark in common entrance, you played football too, A WHOLE LOT OF FOOTBALL, but sex and the other sex were no go area.
The closest you came to the forbidden act was the day Rasheedah, the last daughter of the area merchant locked you in the room and said you must do the do or she would scream that you raped her (a ploy one or two more ladies would use for you later in life). You can’t blame Rasheeda, her elder brother Afeez was said to be eating the work of Kehinde, the new spira babe that rented a single room down the street, and her eldest sister was an after-one who was sexier than any under-18 spinster, odeebedeebe is the slang she was referred by. So, when the fifteen years old Rasheeda said you should sleep with her, you knew there was fire on the ceiling…but you survived
Entering Uni was exciting, you had only one goal — finish with first class, so you didn’t have time for frivolities; attending your freshers’ party already set the tone for you- and you would vow not to attend any party. (lies, you would attend about five or six more parties before you graduate, although you won’t know what it means to rock a lady until the final party)
The first year went smoothly, the second year almost did- bare your roommate’s girlfriend, Cindy who had continuously harassed you and touched you inappropriately-but you waved it up, you wish you didn’t.
Your celibacy was tested for the first time on campus when Cindy came visiting during the break and met you alone; she would start by touching you as she does; you are almost always not wearing vest; why should you wear one when the heat on campus could cook yam and your room mates had choosing suffering instead of fixing the fan.
On this day, you were not wearing a vest as the norm is; you were alone in the room; it was during the break but you didn’t go home. Better to stay back in school and think about your life, what is home for a broke hustler like you? Plans must add up, money must be made. Cindy comes in to the room, and her eyes sparked when her gaze met yours. She says some sweet nothings, rack her routine lewd jokes; like how you should inject some of the energy you use to study into a lady and let her moan with joy, afterall books can’t moan back…’ she would then motion forward and you would jerk. You would tell her her bf isn’t in, she would reply affirmatively and your heart would miss a beat when she says:
“I know Raj isn’t in, he told me you are the only one around, that’s why I came”
You would remember all the Nollywood and Bollywood you had watched, and as you motion to the door, you would realise she had locked the door and kept the key in her pocket… The rest of the incident can’t be told in words, but that day, you would realise ladies rape men too.
But your celibacy was intact, and you fled every appearance of evil; including the busty fresher who invited you over to her place to cook rice and beans, but you asked for takeaway because her room’s AC could make you sleep off.
You would graduate a virgin (where is my badge of honour, please?) and start the hustles of getting a job; in between, you would finally find the requited love you were looking for all these years and at 25, you would have your first kiss. Your gf (now ex) would understand that you are not sexually active and would agree to wait with you but would attempt different things and make subtle innuendos when you are conversing… ten weeks after, she would breakup with you, for obvious reasons and you would embrace celibacy fully as you mourn your loss, her loss, I guess.
At least until you would see a plump lady with bulbous bakassi who was bored seeking a transient pleasure… you would have a thing, but she would respect your celibacy- a gesture you would always be grateful for.
Remember the Ministry? You would hear the good-looking pastor you respected so much had been engaging in alternate sexual activities with ladies in the ministry- you would tear your oath of virginity and be ready to have sex; after all, if T can do this, who can’t, don’t we all have flesh and blood running through our veins?
You would have 18+ conversations with a lot of ladies and some would offer you a sleep-over… You would download an ebook on sex, sex positions and follow a lot of sex-related pages, but in the end you would realise this path wasn’t cut out for you, not just yet.
Some folks would ask you why you are a virgin aside religious reasons — you would say sex is a big deal to you, it is. You are 27, you are a virgin, a happy one at that. You do not know how long this would last for, and you do not know if you would marry as a virgin or not, but all that matters, as you told a friend recently is that no lady on planet earth can accuse you of anything or drag your name on twitter because you haven’t been intimate with any lady, isn’t that alone enough reason to stay celibate?
P:S- this post wasn’t written to castigate any sort of sexual orientation or decisions.
