#TWENTIESWEEKENDLETTER03
Let’s have it on record and I’m hoping you all remind me — when the safe space gets its first operational office, we’re putting up a sign saying:
“This is strictly anti-aspire to perspire. All forms of motivational fraud is banned within this premises…”
Sadly, today, I’ll break that rule just a tiny little bit. I want to speak on insecurities. I feel them sometimes (E electrocute you? E shock me too). I know you experience them, it’s nothing to hide.
I’m hoping today’s sermon will be pretty short. I’ll do a piece on insecurities and how I’ve been able to navigate through them, hoping you find a way to face yours. Immediately after that, I’ll take you through some general comments about the safe space. Then, when all is said and done, we can close the service and you can go home to feed your babies.
Insecurities.
I’m guessing my earliest insecurity as a person was as a result of my height. I was 12 or thereabout. Those lousy junior secondary school girls with lip gloss dripping like a sink and coloured ear-rings just never let me get enough of how short I was.
“Teletubbies, let me hear word. I know I’m short…”
With a lot of inches coming through for me around my A-level days and of course, the evolution of my banging broad chest and vain abs, all of that height insecurity totally disappeared.
But why was I so insecure then?
Let’s assume we’ve arrived at point one — which is that — insecurities can happen on the basis of appearance. The other type of insecurities we’ll discuss is that which we feel on the basis of abilities. The feeling of not measuring up.
Y’all have sex, yeah? Act like you don’t get a little from time to time. Well, I don’t. I’m actually one of the 5 wise virgins in the book of Matthew. Thing is, my cousin and I were talking insecurities and we touched on sex as an illustration. This is pretty simple — Folks with organs generally below standard sizes feel insecure (appearance) — Folks who can’t perform as sexually effective as they’ll love to, also feel some sort of insecurity or personal dissatisfaction (abilities).
For the other 4 wise virgins reading this, I’ll create a broader scenario. Appearance based insecurities are when we feel inadequate on the basis of height, not having social media’s definition of a banging body, a supposed flawed face, speech defects and so on.
Abilities based insecurities are when we feel we don’t measure up where our abilities are required or we feel we can’t perform as well as some other people. This is could be imposter syndrome in school or a workplace. A friend of mine interned at a bank in the UK and the whole time she was plagued with the thoughts that maybe I don’t deserve to be here.
In your 20s, you should note that lack of money is your biggest ability based insecurity. Why do you think the saying is: “If you no get money, hide you face”?
Boys in their 20s feel ability-based insecurities more. Sadly, the society raises boys to be providers. Girls feel appearance-based insecurities a lot more because unfortunately, some of our parents raise females to see marriage as the only future they have. I’ll save you the gender talk for later.
So, which do you have?
It could be both and it’s perfectly okay, dear.
Here’s what you need to know:
We’re mostly insecure only because we’ve placed ourselves in a world of comparisons.
Take a moment off your phone to breathe and access yourself. Didn’t you only start to realise you were flawed until they told you that you were? Why did you listen to those laughing kids in primary school? Why did you look at social media then head to look at yourself in the mirror? Why did you compare your Casio watch to that Rolex you saw on that other guy?
Realities are real. Because Adamu, regardless how much you lie to yourself, you’re still broke and inadequate. So here’s my formula:
Love what you can’t change. Change what you don’t love.
I remember going through a period of reflection months ago and my biggest question was: how do I love myself? We hear self-love and we pretend like we know what it means, but we don’t. Besides, how does one love a bag of insecurities? I’m scared to ask a motivational speaker what he means by self-love so I won’t look like I haven’t been loving myself the whole time. But I carved out a solution.
Here’s my practical guide to self-love.
I picture a version of myself I’ll love the most:
All-round guy, founder of an amazing movement called the twenties, dream job, community leader, LOML to a real-life goddess, money and occasional skincare routine.
I wasn’t half these things months ago. Well now, I’m ticking off my boxes like a dedicated MF.
I’m sorry you don’t feel adequate. I’m sorry you don’t have that model body. I’m sorry she isn’t in your life. I’m sorry you lost out on that job. I’m genuinely sorry.
You want a different version of yourself? Be that person in the healthiest way possible. Part of that picture you can’t be — you love.
TWENTIES
Hey guys, safe space letters is for everyone. Bastardize our inbox with anything personal you want to share on twentiesrecord@gmail.com. If you want to stay anon, that’s also cool. We’ll love to hear you. Also, we so love the comments you send personally. We’ll love you to engage out twitter account @twentiesculture & IG account @twentiesculture_ You can drop your comments or the favourite things you’ve learnt. Let’s build this!
