I left the title blank.

It’s been one year since Not Today. It’s hilarious how I don’t listen to the project anymore — because, of course I’m perfectionist and my songs grow on me faster than my undies.

My music journey has taught me some fascinating lessons. Now — I know I can’t say ‘blowj*b’ on an opening track because my entire family would call me on the phone or wait for me to come for the holidays and then, sit me down for early morning counselling.

My mother would get a ‘rude shock’ and realize — I’m the bad gang she’s been asking me to steer clear from. My Indianapolis based father would refuse to stream the project so that he can hang on to the classic isolated image of his son as a gifted academic and a future legal expert.

But it’s been a year now and there’s one thing I’ve wanted to reflect through the music — that there indeed are two sides to every soul.

In the case of Johnson’s first son — aka the guy typing this — aka assistant baba for the girls — aka step-father of dragons; one side to his soul understands intellectualism and excels at it.

The British Book of History 13th edition (of the Ibadan arch-diocese) documents how I’d been writing stories ever since the tender age of 5/6. Through my teenage years, I could come off as “genius” “intelligent” and other similar tags. My mum notoriously made me critique her PhD materials at age 13. I was either too certain or too deluded about my abilities that I tried to apply to Harvard the same year. I passed my WAEC a few months into age 14 — blah, blah, blah. This is starting to look like a curriculum vitae.

The other side to my soul understood emotions — deep emotions and can express them creatively with aggressive metaphors, pitches and cadences.

The issue became whether or not I could succeed at both at the same time. But I didn’t just want to succeed — I never just want to succeed.

I have had experiences where I didn’t seem to fit in the studio with all the marijuana stench and fake gangsterism — and also, didn’t feel among in a research seminar with all the non-practicability, unnecessary 10 syllable words and high-heeled pretences.

But I’ve learned to excel at both. I’ve learned to embody this message: ‘you determine you’.

Interlude: The African Parents Subheading (Oh my days, mo de jiya lori awon omo yii).

They actually love you the way you’ll love your child. They have only imputed their fears into raising you. So, you’ve been raised ‘safe’ and ‘secure’ and encouraged to go to school because they know that a stable office job will provide better security over your ‘Agege Miley Cyrus’ talent. So, you’re equipped for a 9–5 (because they think it provides some respectability) at the expense of whatever talent or soul you may possess. A painting on the wall once hurled abuses at me, it said: ‘The creative adult is the child who survived.’

My mother did not buy the guitar she promised if I passed WAEC GCE at 14. But that only killed my music literacy, it didn’t kill my music soul. I experimented with the same old skool classics she secretly loved and fancied. I also learnt how to write and communicate my music hooks to other vocalists by using classics as building blocks instead of the typical doh-reh-mi. Plus, have you heard any of my songs? I have a good ear for sampling.

Somebody in the house found out my secret drawing book during one of those exams in junior secondary school. I wasn’t quite the best artist or illustrator in class, but I was improving. I still design majority of my cover arts till date.

Somebody in the house ripped apart the first stage play I wrote at age nine. I don’t think I’ve written one ever since.

You don’t just determine you; you have a right to decide you won’t be mediocre also — but it comes at a price.

The price I’ve had to pay hasn’t been so bearable. I sometimes find it unnecessary to share stories of struggles I’ve had on the pathway to success. Because, the world doesn’t care. Problems are personal, successes are for the squad. But let me get you into one of the background stories for the Not Today mixtape. (If you don’t like premium gist, just skip it).

After the mixtape had been mixed and mastered and the release date was set to be announced, Shallom wasn’t so okay with her verse on “Letting Go”. So, we had to take some of the recordings again. This was slightly difficult — it was exam period. Plus, the prep week before exams, I barely studied, I was prepping for an inter-university competition and also concluding recordings for the mixtape (now, that I remember all this — stress yen ko necesstri actually).

Shallom needed to retake her verses while we had exams. I left Company Law exams at about 3pm on Wednesday, July 31st — I was in the studio until 10pm even when I knew I still had exams the following day. I went from the studio to get injections shots at school because I was recovering from Malaria. I left the hospital at school around 11pm, and I couldn’t find public transport at the time. So, I had to trek from the hospital to my apartment at Mayfair with probably dizzy injection eyes because of the exams the following day. Got to my apartment around 1:00 am. And yeah, I still smashed my A’s in both exams. Still unnecessary when I look back. But the overconfident beast in me was driving me to aspire to expire a rewire.

Evolution: The most painful part (Apostle won’t hear of this).

Now, let me tell you something about evolution. You know how people lie with tears in their eyes at wedding anniversaries saying stuff like: “it only feels yesterday”.

Lies.

Last year feels like a decade ago. I’ve gone through phases: I’ve been a playboy, a lover, a friend. I’ve graduated from school, worked at a job, earned a stellar certification from Harvard, kissed a queen in the rain and also watched money heist in a banking hall.

I’ve been depressed — I’ve been happy — I’ve been angry. I’ve felt too little — I’ve felt too big. I’ve been the fraction of a mood — I’ve been the whole mood. I’ve laughed — I’ve cried — I’ve lost a loved one — I’ve had way too many stories that wouldn’t fit into the five tracks for Not Today if it was released a year late.

But trust me, it was (actually is) the start of a journey. A journey to self-awareness, to recognizing my voice and being comfortable with it, to finding my sound and serving you up with more goodness, to telling my stories and our stories in the most fun way possible.

The path I’m threading has been threaded by no other — No other person has wanted it all. You usually have role models you want to tailor your life after — it’s far less complicated because they have done one incredibly good thing with their lives, not two.

But then, attaining double excellence requires a keen plan, and that plan is engraved in my left palm — and I’m guarding it jealously.

It all begins with the slightest victories — my Dad now looks forward to my new releases, freestyles or songs; My mum no longer has a rude shock, she’s probably electrified by the progress I seem to be making in both careers, I’ve had one more mixtape since Not Today; I’m not as confused as I used to be — with so more beastly energy and little common sense — although, I don’t know all that should be done — I know all that shouldn’t be.

Many thanks to Shallom, Omar, Mohh, Folusho, Gbolahan, IBK, Tomisin, DJ Miles, Aramide, Dumebi, Nnenna, Ayodeji, Opemipo, Chuks. You were the unseen gold behind Not Today and any sort of identity I had in August 2019. I’m thankful.

Never forget, only you can determine you.

Now, it’s time for me to go find my sound.

Love,

Ayo.

Listen to Not Today: https://audiomack.com/thejohnson-1/album/not-today-the-mixtape